Why Couples Therapy?

When Should You Consider Couples Therapy?

In an interview with Gaelen Engler (she/her), LCSW, and Jeff Garretson (he/him), PCLC, two couples therapists from Sweetgrass, we gain insight into why couples therapy might be beneficial, what could lead you to seek therapy, how it can help, and some common misconceptions surrounding the process.

When Should a Couple Consider Therapy?

Both Jeff and Gaelen agree that there is no single reason to seek therapy with your partner. Jeff suggests that therapy may be worth considering if you’re noticing tension or a shift in your relationship that you can’t quite identify or address. This could be a feeling that something is “off,” or an unresolved conflict—whether it’s a new issue or something that’s persisted for years. Therapy provides a space to view and address these conflicts in a fresh light.

Even if you feel ambivalent about staying in the relationship but still care about your partner, therapy can help navigate these complex feelings. However, a “problem” doesn’t have to exist to enter therapy. Couples might seek therapy to deepen their understanding of one another or even for pre-marital counseling to gain further insight into each other’s perspectives.

Gaelen notes that “couples wait the longest to seek therapy compared to other types of therapy people may pursue.” She agrees with Jeff that you don’t need a specific problem to start therapy. If you’re curious and have access to therapy, it could be the ideal time to try it.

Why Do Couples Seek Therapy?

Some common reasons couples come to therapy include a lack of trust, emotional invalidation, or not feeling cared for, as shared by Gaelen. Couples may also seek help when they feel hopeless during conflicts, when arguments consistently leave them feeling worse, or in cases of infidelity and betrayal.

Jeff points out other concerns, such as a fear of abandonment, feeling overwhelmed by emotions in the relationship, emotional disconnection, explosive fights, feeling unheard, and criticizing or emotionally shutting down toward each other. A sense of contempt can also drive couples to seek therapy.

How Can Couples Therapy Be Helpful?

Both Gaelen and Jeff express a sense of hope regarding the positive changes therapy can bring to relationship dynamics. Jeff emphasizes that therapy offers emotional safety, allowing couples to explore difficult or previously impossible conversations. A trained couples therapist helps partners understand what is happening in their relationship, delve deeper into their interactions, and foster greater empathy for each other. With compassion and care, the therapist can help each partner understand that their behaviors—such as emotionally shutting down, yelling, or walking away—are often protective responses.

Gaelen adds that therapy can be particularly helpful when couples are too busy to have the necessary conversations that can nurture a relationship. Couples dealing with parenting struggles can also benefit, as therapy can encourage collaboration, making the relationship more cohesive. She, like Jeff, believes in the power of a safe space to practice sharing emotions and trying new ways of interacting.

What Successes Can Couples Expect from Therapy?

Gaelen highlights that the key to success in couples therapy often lies in feeling more comfortable taking emotional and behavioral risks with your partner. This leads to greater trust, and couples often experience more joy, connection, laughter, and playfulness. As partners grow in flexibility, they can better support each other, and many feel they are finally able to heal past wounds.

Jeff adds that when couples are actively engaged in therapy, they can more quickly recognize negative and unhelpful patterns of interaction and find ways to step out of them. Partners often develop a deeper emotional connection, gain a better understanding of each other’s experiences, and experience greater ease in each other’s presence. This increased emotional intimacy often fosters more compassion between partners.

What Are Some Common Misconceptions About Couples Therapy?

Jeff and Gaelen address several common misconceptions about couples therapy. One misconception is that therapy is primarily about teaching communication skills. While communication may be part of the process, deepening emotional connection, empathy, and understanding often lead to improved communication. Jeff notes that it’s not necessary to have vulnerable conversations every session—sometimes it’s simply about maintaining what’s going well in the relationship.

Gaelen also emphasizes that a couples therapist should never pressure you into discussing something you’re not ready to talk about. You always have the right to say “no” or to decline a conversation. A good therapist comes from a place of non-judgment; if they don’t, they’re not doing their job properly.

Conclusion

We’ve explored why couples therapy might be beneficial, how it can help, and cleared up some misconceptions about the process. Whether you’re facing specific challenges or simply want to improve your relationship, couples therapy can provide valuable tools for growth, understanding, and connection.